LFB State of the Union Address

A young curly-headed boy turns a tight corner around an old white house. He looks back and sees a pack of wild dogs chasing him down. He hurdles his bike through an old dilapidated red barn, and he suddenly notices more than dogs, but also cats, rabbits, and even squirrels joining together in the chase. Rotting flesh and dirt is falling away from their bodies. He sees a huge ravine ahead, and although he dared never to make such a jump before, decides to take the leap. He barely makes it and hits the edge. Clinging to the edge of the cliff, his bike falls into the ravine. The ravine is filled with floating coffins and decomposed corpses. Suddenly a ghost-faced painted man, with blood running down his face and wearing a brown wig with a sheriff badge, grabs his clinging right hand and helps him to his feet. The man says, “Howdy, what is your name little boy?” The kid says, “My name is LeeFredrick Bowen.” The fake cop responded, “Well, how about that. That’s my name too. I am you from the future. I wore this costume to a Halloween party and never took it off. You must listen and go back to your time to face your fears. Otherwise you will end up putting on a mask to escape your pain and hide from yourself.” The kid realizes he is dreaming and decides it’s time to wake up. As he fades out of the scene with his heart pounding, he barely hears his future self yell out his last words, “And watch out for falling sticks?”
“To Infinity and Beyond in 2009”Poem By: All the people who made suggestions
It is on the line and looking fine.The past is behind and the future is mine.
O.J. finally does time.So let’s have some wine.
Yes I can because I’m the man.Get off my behind in 2009!
Tabitha Thompson read this prophetic story and poem from the stage where the The LFB State of the Union had been addressed. It was set in front of the old white house in Bolton, NC. Before leaving the stage, she made a point in stating the injustices that occur in shopping areas. “This dress I am wearing is priced tagged at 10.00 dollars at the flea market in Wallace, but I spent days searching for a better price and bought the same exact dress from a flea-market in Charlotte for 9.00 dollars. I went back to Wallace and informed them of their injustice. Change must come to America.” Although Mr. Bowen has no authority over the market, he appreciated Mrs. Thompson’s passion and had her escorted back to her seat.
She was followed by a musical selection from Marcus Barefield’s band. He trimmed the beard he tripped over from the 2007 State of the Union and caused his permanent handicap of waddling. For some random reason this year, Barefield threw two bricks in the air which the first landed in the audience and actually injured VIP guess Hilary Clinton. Oddly, he didn’t seem pleased with himself and then threw the second straight in the air. Barefield was taken in handcuffs while babbling, “It’s was part of my joke! I didn’t get to finish the joke!” Clinton remained for the rest of the ceremony and treated by Dr. Josh Riggsbee with an icepack next to her forehead. She grumbled about missing the White House. Riggsbee tried comforting her with his bedside manner by constantly repeating, “I voted for you.”
Bowen finally took the stage after being sworn in by the new deputy minister Duane Looney, and the audience played a game called Looney Says, “Looney says, see if you can find his debit card.” Bowen spoke about growing up in the white house. He highlighted on his inheritance from his father’s death. It included a metal box that contained an old shot gun and secret design plans on a major project. This project still remains classified to this day. All we know about this secret project is that Kimberly Bowen took the shot gun, and Michael Bowen took the design plans, together they forged into the back woods of the white house with a bottle of Poland Spring water and have not been heard from since.
Bowen announced the bailout proposal of Derwin Inc, during this motivational recession. Bowen announced, “By the end of 2009, we are going to put back every yard sale, every bake sale with even nasty cookies, every get rich quick scam, every lottery system from casino slots to rolling dice on the street, and every couch will have loose change in it again. We will stimulate our motivational economy.” Republicans and Democrats gave a standing ovation at this peak of Bowen’s speech.
Reporters asked Bowen his Fellowship Policy in Greenville? Mr. Bowen responded, “Well, I can see ECU from my apartment.” The audience gave another standing ovation at such a groovy response. Former president Brandon Lloyd of The Bom Corporation has been appointed to Bowen’s Cabinet as Chief Confidant and has been given the LFB Book of Secrets. Marcus Coward has been recalled from the Witness Protection Program after the arrest of several key persons that drained him of all his energy, including LFB President Bowen. Bowen has been given clemency for the crimes of the past. Mr. Lloyd commented also that, “Winterville people like East Arcadia people, don’t play.” Coward starts crying over his new freedom, however; Bowen confused his crying for a nervous breakdown and shook Coward before he slapped him and shouted, “PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER.”
Mistress of ceremonies Oretha Kinlaw called for order again the proceedings. She instilled back the confidence of the people for Bowen. She proclaimed his dedication to growth and change. Bowen was concerned with the lack of productivity for spiritual matters, personal matters, and social matters. He testified that we still have a long way to grow but remained confidant after noting how far we have come. Kinlaw officially closed, “Humbling Forward in a New Era of Faith in 2008.” Reporters bundled together knocking over each and leaning against the trees while anticipating the New Years slogan for 2009.
Bowen announced, “The new year is about getting back on track. It is about reaffirming our beliefs and our principles by strengthening the foundation that enforces these beliefs. It is about continuing to humble ourselves as we build ourselves by breaking away the pettiness and the nonsense. Ladies and Gentlemen, I ask for your support and accountability as God bless our New Year’s slogan, “Realigning My Mind to God’s Design in 2009”
“For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. ” 1 Corinthians 13:9-11 NIV
After announcing the New Year’s slogan, Bowen was hit in the head by hard brick that must have gotten caught in the trees above him. He suffered a non-fatal injury with a gash to his head and with blood running down his face, Bowen laughed like a trooper after he said, “Ohhhhh, he said falling bricks!”
COMPUTER END PROGRAM!!!