Well I have been unproductive

I hearby write this journal after entertaining my friend Ariel with Harry Potter the Order of the Phoneix at my apartment and in which she has not seen before. Memorial Day weekend is coming up and I have decided to pass on a few optional plans and just stick around in G-Ville and find ways to entertain myself. Actually, I am hoping that this might actually force me to finally get started on all the personal projects I wish to get a move on over the summer. But I have mainly spent most of my spare time too mentally tired from work that I play Civilization 3 all the time. One day this week I didn't even eat lunch but spent the break playing Civilization 3 the whole time. I was in the middle of a war with the Iroquois and I was determined to invade further into their territory. I also recently bought the fourth season of the West Wing at East Coast and you know that I have to give that some priority. It was calling out to me on the self. I have no doubt that I will eventually get to all the projects that I have been whining about not having much time to spend on them. In all honesty this is really not one of my big concerns these days. As most of my closes circle of friends are aware, I used to suffer from depresssion. A severe case of this lasted for about three-four years I call the Great Depression Era. Well the later years following wasn't all peaches and cream, I was still picking up some pieces of my life and trying to focus back on the true purpose of my life, especially as a Christian but mainly I was still putting out relapses I suffered here and there so it became mainly damage control and a healing time. This last for about another three years I call the Post-Depression Era. Well the Post-Depression Era officially ended for me around last fall 2007. And now, I am at a lost of myself. I have turned to God and still I search for something new. I am not sad but I am not really happy either. I know, who really is ever happy right? So I'll clarify, I am not really joyful at the moment. I am not unhappy. And there are many times I do feel joy but I used to always feel joyful despite a lot of terrible time in my past. Even in depression, I still felt a lot of joy. It seems contradictory doesn't it. I don't believe that I am without joy. I believe I am simply without my joyful task. A purpose to channel my joy through. Depression may have been hard and Lord know I don't want to go back to it but at least I knew my task. To "Get out of Depression" during the Great Depression Era, and it was a joyful task. During Post-Depression Era, it was "Staying Out of Depression." Now I am far from returning to that clinical depressed state. I am searching for something new. So I fill my time with the usual easy ambitions. Work, education, fellowship, family, friends, etc. I know I am close though. I will not be going into the fall with nothing to do. I believe all will be revealed in due course. In the meantime, I do love my life and I thank God for it. It hasn't been easy but it has been FUN!!!