A Year Into the New Era

Hello folks,
Starting in the new year I do plan to keep up with my blog on a weekly bases at least. I won't do it by notes like this one but I wanted to post this one by note. This is a crazy time of the year for me because of work. After typing on a computer all day when responding to emails and processing applications, blogging tends to feel like work. It generally takes me all morning if I do nothing else before lunch. But you have incoming phone calls and traffic to tend to as well. Everyone is stressed with their own duties, but I have to say that part of me loves it. I love staying busy and to see how quickly I can get the job done. When it comes to pressure, "some people fold and others focus." "A deadline has a remarkable way of focusing the mind." I do get a break and do what is best about my job which is talking to families about ECU during our information sessions.

But that is work that generally stays at work. Personally I am a little over a year into the New Era. If you don't know what the New Era means then that only means you don't know me as well as you think. Those that are closes to me know what I am talking about but I won't punish those that don't. The New Era basically is term I came up with that labels the major lifetime seasons of my life I feel God has lead me to or helped me through in my spiritual development. These tend to last around three years I've noticed. Prior to the New Era was called Post-Depression Era, then Great Depression Era, then Pre-Depression Era, The Great Wars (basically high school), Years of Hell (basically middle school), Survival Age, then Birth. Not very creative names but pretty accurate. Maybe I'll rename them later but it doesn't matter, the point is that I have seen the design of my life and each season has helped shaped the next and so forth. How can anyone not see how God is involved in everything that they do, good or bad, free-will or destiny, their is always a plan.

I discovered this around November 14, 2007. I keep a journal and I highly recommend it for anyone. A journal helps you take a step back and really look at yourself and evaluate your life. It helps you to see the great parts of yourself and the worse parts. It shows you how you have grown which motivates you to keep growing. It also leaves your legacy for someone else to be inspired by your testimony. I mean let's face it, not all of us are going to be analyzed and known in history books like Lincoln or MLK. So let's leave something behind for our families to learn and grow from our experiences. And don't allow fear of someone knowing your business prevent it, I promise you that when we're dead, we are not going to care. If I'm wrong, "I owe you a Coke."

Moving on, the New Era is the season that I am currently in right now. It is a time in my life when I feel like I am looking at life brand new again. Without being seriously inhibited by the horrors (extreme word) of my past. No doubt that I could have been a much happier person if my past situation wasn't so unstable. If you know me then you know what I am talking about. But please don't mistake me, I LOVE my family and my friends I grew up with, I would have wanted better from our past but I don't waste my time worrying about how things should have been. We worked it out and we made it through by the grace of God and we all are doing well. We have gain a great deal of wisdom, faith, and perserverance from the struggles of our past. Although it caused some emotional and psychological side effects, we have worked through them and are still pushing forward.

The new year is coming up, and I evaluate the year. I look over the goals I have set out for myself and determine how I can do better and how I have done better. Then decide to take it a notch up into the next year. I will start drafting my New Year's theme beginning of December. Remember this year was "Humbling Forward in a New Era of Faith in 2008." I am always glad to hear recommendations, my past favorites from folks are "Making it Great in 2008, Going to Heaven in 2007, Getting a Fix in 2006, Picking up Sticks in 2006, or Throwing Bricks in 2006, and Staying Alive in 2005." They tend to be pretty creative..lol...So let the bidding begin.

I heard something like this once, "Did I have have it rough? Yes! Should you feel sorry for me? No! Why? Because though it was bad there are still people who had it a lot worse than me. And if I don't want to acheive any more than I already have, then please respect that. But if I don't because I think it would be too hard or I don't feel like being bothered, then Thank God, you don't even want to know me."

My Revelation

I am still in the process of reading through my entire journal collection and extracting all of the lessons I have learned for documentation. My journals consist of three eras of my life I have named when I begin writing them consistently back in 2003. They contain over half of my Great Depression Era, the full time span of my Post-Depression Era, and a little over a year into the New Era to present time.

I was reading over a journal back from September 22, 2003. During this time I was staying in D.C. with my brother and God had already told me that I needed to return to Greenville about a week or two earlier. I was already making my plans and put in my notices at my part time jobs and was ready to take a leap of faith. Now I know for some of you it may not have taken faith but let me remind you I had no prospects aside from a college degree. Little to no money, no car, no driver’s license, and hardly any work experience. So it took a lot of faith to return to G-Ville with my head between my legs begging my old college friends for a place to stay and looking like the biggest loser walking.

Reading over my journal from that September, I had documented all the major blessings of my life up to that point in time. How God’s plan for my life was so perfectly designed and how they worked out so beautifully when I BECAME obedient and followed them to the letter. I took the narrow path in a lot of situations and I am still reaping blessings today from the right decisions I made back even when I was a freshmen in college and before.

You know scripture talks about God pouring out blessings you won’t have room to receive, mainly discussing tithes and offerings. And I hear people complaining about how they pay tithes and offerings and they are just as financially limited as they were when they didn’t pay, some may even be more financially limited not being able to buy all the luxuries they desire because of that ten percent leaving they’re pay checks. So they ask, “Where are all of these blessings scripture talks about? My cup is supposed to be overflowing.”

I look at tithes and offerings more than just a Christian scriptural requirement and more than just so your church has the necessary funds to continue its mission. It is about faith and obedience. The two go together but most people seem to look at it from a perceptive as if something is owed to us. And whatever is due must come in the form of a pay check.

Let me say this, all of the money in the world can be contained. If you had all the money in the world, then it stands to reason that you can afford to build the room to contain it. But as I read my journals, the blessings I list are the friendships and healthy relationships I seized that lead to other friendships and relationships. The skills, the wisdom, and the knowledge I’ve learned from these people. The powerful prayers, testimonies, and personal gifts I received from these individuals. The lifetime partnerships established in going together and uphold God’s principles and be a beckon of light on the earth. No man can contain such blessings in a single day and not even in their own lifetime because of the impact you still have the opportunity to make on the earth just by simply being obedient and having faith in every situation. I deserve damnation but my salvation through Jesus Christ overflows my heart with hope. What more do you people want?

Retirement from the BCM

The school year has started out great. We admitted about nearly 4700 freshmen for the fall to ECU and it was an awful summer of busyness. AWFUL! The slow summer I was used to are gone. Things are finally calming down and I am looking foward to getting back on the road to NJ, PA, VA, and of course NC. Seeing all of the students returning to the BCM has been awesome and well as meeting new students. I have been given a proposal by a student group to be their orgaization advisor. Chi Alpha Omega, a christian fraternity on campus. Small group a guys I have met at the BCM and they are some really great solid students. It will be interesting to be their advisor so we will see if it comes through this year. I have already met some interesting freshmen this fall. Making friends with freshmen again I supposed. I have already selected some of my favorites but I will never mentioned their names. I truly love everyone. I love watching myself and how I have come such a long way from the Great Depression Era to seeing what times would have been like if I was different in the New Era with BCM. The fresh friendships I have made through this time has been rewarding and will continue no doubt to be even more rewarding as I continue to grow. However, I know myself well and I know the immediate plans of the life God has set out for me. I am truly welcomed in the BCM and the roll that I play there is different and mature. But I know when it is time to move forward and press on. There is nothing wrong with making friends with younger people. When I was a freshmen, my first close friend in college was Carolyn. A non-traditional student who was over forty years old. We are still friends to this day. In fact I bought my car from her this past summer like I said I always would in my undergrad. I have used the BCM for the growth necessary that I have missed out in my past due to depression and to be given a second chance at experiences that I have missed out in my undergrad due to depression. I have come a long, long, way. But I know when the clock in winding down in a phase in my life. Just like it did with Intervarsity. The BCM was too special to past up for the past year and a half. And this new academic year I will still enjoy my time. But this will be the last year I am a part of the BCM in this capacity. No this does not mean I will not be involved in student activities or that I will not allow myself to build solid relationships with new students. This means that I have claimed VICTORY!!! True victory over the sins that Depression has caused in my past due to fellowship and social situations. It is time to move on. Where? I am not certain. It is easy to say, well of course the next step is to get more involved in the church. But ECU and the students are still a big part of my life. I have a wealth of knowledge to give back to the students about college success. I also still have a lot of personal plans and goals that I must refocus on again. The next level is up to God. But I announce this to you now. This will be my last academic year with the BCM in the roll I am currently serving. I am retiring and moving forward to the next level. Humbling Forward in a New Era of Faith in 2008!!!

A New School Year Approaches

Well it has been a summer since we spoke journal. I haven't done a very good job of keeping up with you. But I intend to do better. I hearby write this journal before me and my friend Jared Webb go out jogging in a little bit of rain and I just got through eating out with white Marcus and his family. I have been accepted to Graduate School for English this summer but that was the hard part. Taking that useless GRE. I am already halfway through the program because of all the Non-Degree credits I have taken. I have decided to push my acceptance date back to this spring for convienence purposes. I have travel season coming up for work and it would be best if I postpone for just one more semester. I am looking forward to the new academic year. I must admit that I have missed the students on campus. It is a little dead during the summer but I have had a great summer no doubt. There are still a lot of good friends in town. I especially missed the Baptist Campus Ministry crew. Don't tell them I said that though. I won't stretch this journal but I do plan on not neglecting you from this point on. But don't really hold to that committment. Still Humbling Forward in a New Era of Faith in 2008! Bowen Out!

2008 Summer Mission: NOW IT IS TIME TO JUST DO IT!

I hearby write this journal after jogging with my close friend white Marcus. Guys it is really hot out there. It is like a heat wave is moving through this summer. We barely made it through and we ran around 8:00pm. Well it has been over a week since I got my wheels. I haven't really done much lately with my car. I haven't even been out of town yet with it. With the cost of gas, I might as well still feel like I don't have a car because I can't go anywhere without considering the cost. I plan to leave town on the 19th to go back home for a wedding. This will give the chance for Momma to take a ride in her baby's new ride. I did manage to give it an oil change and filled her up with her first tank of gas which cost me over fifty dollars. This is one of the reasons I must get rich. Because it is not going to get any cheaper from here. Something will have to be done for all of us. Recently this past week I received a revelation for a prophetic dream I had over a year ago in the month of January. I know when I have a spiritual dream when I receive them. I keep a personal journal in which is was documented then. I probably receive a spiritual dream once every two to four years these days. Usually it is prophetic about something that is about to happen. The events from this dream fulfilled itself out over the course the past year and a half and the message I received from it was "SO DO IT!" which relates to my personal God given assignments. Now I didn't know then exactly what I was suppose to do, and have been racking my brain over the past year trying to figure it out. I have been doing a lot of things. I didn't know what the spiritual dream was referring to specifically. This summer as I battled with knowing that whatever I was suppose to be doing the time is now since the last event from the dream finally took place in the beginning of May. The message was telling me that there is really a lot of loose ends I must clear up before I finally see my major purpose. A great deal of issues I have been avoiding and I need a great deal of order and discipline in my life in order to move forward. Sure I still have a lot of personal issues to uproot from my past but the dream was telling me that I must move forward regardless of how I feel and start putting order in my life. So I have no choice but to Just Do It!!!

Well I Bought a Car.

This past week on a very rainy and miserable looking day. It was made official as of this date Wednesday, May 28, 2008 that LeeFredrick Bowen finally bought a car. It took me about a good ten years to get around to it but better late than never. I know that buying a car for those who are around my age and my peers isn't a big deal at this point. I have friends that are my age who are getting married, buying houses, graduating with Masters Degrees, in Ph.D programs and MD programs, and even having children. All great and wonderful things to tell folks at their ten-year high school reunion in which mine is coming up next year around this time. Getting a car is a big thing at probably sixteen through 21 whether bought or given used and new so what's the big deal with it now at age 26 and will be 27 years by this July. Well if you know me from back home, then you are pretty familiar with some circumstances of my past. If you know me well, then you are familiar with the great deal of struggle it really took to get here and do a lot of these things on my own. All of my life I have been playing catch up. I struggled in school until I finally manage to catch up academically in middle school. I coudn't get a driver's license without insurance and I had no parents who drove to put me on any insurance. I wasn't expected to make it through college, I wasn't expected to find a descent job after college, I manage to find an apartment in walking distance to ECU. I manage to get a driver's license while working my first full time job through ECU doing clerical work. I went through a driving school and learned just enough to pass the driving test. Then the next day I was given keys to a state vehicle and became familiar with the rest on the streets of G-Ville. To everyone's great supprise no tickets, no car accidents. I didn't tell my supervisor at the time until about a year later that when she gave me the keys to bring the van around to pick her up so that we could do inventory at the warehouse that I nearly hit the fire hydrant on my way out the parking lot. And I was thinking in my mind, "Thank God, she is not around to see that." But I managed to do ok and was given a few assignments outside of G-Ville to work on a promotion since travel is required for Admissions recruiting. I still remember my first drive outside of G-Ville which was to Raleigh. I was nervous but excited at the same time. I came dangerously close to learning the lesson harshly that the yellow underneath a green sign that you are passing under means that you are in an exit lane. It was dark and if I didn't see the taillights of a car in front of me turning right then I probably wouldn't have slammed my breaks to slow down from 70 miles/hour to just enough speed in order to not lose control of the vehicle as it flys down a sharp curve off the exit going towards Zebulon I believe. I pulled in a parking lot and breath for a bit before getting back on forty. There were a few close calls but God was with me. One of the concerns in my interview for a promotion was all the travel we have to do and they knew I just had my licenses for about a year. And I said, "Oh, I'll be find. I'm excited." In which was true, but I understood their concerns because I had them too. So they took a chance on me, I got my promotion and I assume that I would get a chance to get my feet wet in Virginia, then Maryland and work my way up. But no, my first full week of travel is straight to northern NJ. I guess I was being tested. If I can drive there, I could drive anywhere. Many of my co-workers were scared to death for me. But I was still excited despite their concerns and my concerns. I drove in northern NJ and to Long Island and all over CT like a pro. I don't know where it came from but God was with me. After a month of travel everyone was pleased I got back safely. I have always had God's favor and I thank God that almost three years of getting my license in the first place and earning the promotion allowed me to be able to afford my first car. Bought and paid for because at this time I don't believe in car payments. It's nothing fancy but I believe God blessed me with a good car for my current needs. I feel like that this is the last official hurdle I had to overcome that stems from the cirrcumstances of my past. Sure I still have a few internal issues to heal from mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And I don't have as much as many of my other peers so but I feel like I am finally on the same playing field as everyone else. The really hard parts of catching up in life are over. At this time I thank God for a great full time professional job that allows me to take graduate classes for free at ECU, and learn a great deal about working in a professional environment, no bad debt, I still pay my tithes and offering, a great church, great friends in the area, and a great family who has helped me cope with a lot (my Mom and my siblings). I had about a day, maybe two to sit back and relax at what all has been accomplish before I focus on the next task. I am Humbling Forward in a New Era of Faith in 2008! What's Next?

LFB Financial Summit "Your FICO score"

Financial Lesson: Know your FICO score

Who should ignore: The filthy stinking rich because you can pay cash on everything

Who should pay attention: If you sometimes barely have enough to buy yourself and ice cream cone. Then you may need a car loan, student loan, house loan, etc. Also if you get a little impatient to save for 30 years and pay for your first house in cash.

Why is it important? In a nut shell this is how important this score is to the credit world, the higher the score the more money you save, the lower the score then the more money you will have to pay. Suze Orman basically compares it to the SATs of the financial world.

How is this created? If you have any type of credit history of any kind, then it reported to the three major credit bureaus and remember that each of them has their own FICO score. You should purchase your score from them once a year, especially around the time you are planning on taking out a loan (it will not show up on the annual free credit report)

How does this relate to my money? Companies may use any one of the three or all three to determine the lowest interest they are willing to give you on a loan. You may not understand how interest works but most people at least understand the higher it is the more money it stands for coming in or going out. For loans, the more money taken out of your pocket.

Where can I go for further information? Go To the link below. Be sure to click on About FICO @ scores to see how FICO scores are calculated therefore you can see how you can improve it and it's not complicated

http://www.myfico.com/

Extra Info You Just Might Care About: FICO stands for Fair Isaac Corporation created by Engineer Bill Fair and Mathematician Earl Isaac in 1956

LFB Financial Summer Summits

Introduction of Purpose

Hello everyone,
During this time of the year I usually reevaluate my financial progress over the past year in order to see how well I have been doing and in what areas I would like to see improve upon and stretch myself to do much better financially for my new fiscal year. I usually implement a new budget plan by the beginning of September. During this time I usually read a few more books on numerous financial authors I have come to respect and appreciate their advice. So far I do read Suze Orman, Robert Kiyosaki, and Donald Trump. I will probably look into Dave Ramsey next. My goal is not to get rich quick, although I won't stop myself from pursuing wealth. My goal is to simply increase my financial literacy in which I think is helpful and necessary to anyone earning an income. I would like to share what I have learn in small educational increments that I feel is most important and set a strong educational foundation for financial literacy. I see too many people that really need to increase their financial education. Too many are really missing out or will suffer harsh and avoidable consequences from poor financial decisions throughout their early years and will still be hindered by the effects as they approach retirement. I am not a financial expert. In fact I am terrible with math which is why I studied English. But I understand that even though I am not a financial manager, I have a responsibility to still learn all that I can to improve my financial literacy if I expect to succeed in it. So if I can learn this stuff, so can you which is why I want to share what I learn as I learn it or re-familiarize myself with it. If you already know a great deal of this stuff, feel free to share some tips or future authors with me. Let's get started! Bowen Out!

Looking Back on Friday, Sept 5, 2003

Below is a typed version of my journal I wrote almost five years ago. Taken from my private collection. I would just like to share it.


Friday, Sept. 05, 2003
Journal
Washington, D.C.

I hearby write this journal at work at the Rosetta Stone booth in Union Station. I write to you journal to let you know that I applied for another job on-line but guess where this time. E...C....U in Greenville, NC. I can't believe I did this. I was online yesterday emailing ECU faculty trying to get advice on my job search on a college campus, especially Maryland State University and while I was searching for other contacts I decided to click the employment section to see what qualifications ECU would have since it is a University I am familiar with on an idea of getting insight on other Universities. There was a position open in their Admissions office that got me thinking and excited and I don't know what compelled me to do it but I applied for the position. I couldn't believe it. After I got off the computer I had to talk to God and asked what have I done? What is going on with me? Why did I do what I did? And the only answer that came to me was IT JUST MAKES SENSE!!! I'm only working for a year, I want to work on a college campus. I'm lonely, I'm homesick, I'm miserable here in D.C. without my friends. Basically at ECU I can have my cake and eat it too. It's the most practical solution to my predicament. I had it all at the very place I couldn't wait to leave out of. I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner, how could I have been SO STUPID!!! I should have looked into that while I was there. What could I have thought was going to happen after I graduated. George Bush was going to throw me a graduation party at the White House while I escort Hailey Barry and become interviewed by Oprah Winfrey. I leave a place with friends, opportunities, community, resources, and expeirence to be a fish out of water in Washington, D.C. and build from next to nothing and I 'm not saying that it can't be done but these things take time, presistence, patience, and faith. Of course it will happen but not in one-year what takes four years to build. Yes it is tough for me right now, very tough but it doesn't have to be that way right now. God gave me exactly what I asked for, and now I ask for something new. I'm glad I did experience all of this here in D.C. Jobs, people, place, and great guidance from Mike. I've seen Mike in a new light that I have never seen him before. I would call Mike up for advice and feel comfortable around him. I can appreciate Greenville people and events more so now in two months than any other time in my life. Man, there's so much to learn. My plans now are simple. I can't be sure if they are right but they feel right and I obtained guidance from Mike and Sonya (my older brother and his wife) and hopefully other people as well. I'm making plans to go back to ECU. I need things to happen. I need a job #1, I need a place to live #2. I need this place to be a convienent area or situation for me to get to and from work. I need to make good and more money. I need to be able to find joy and need to continue to have faith.

Prayer Request: "God if it is his will and he approves, to make this journey back to ECU a successful one, and for it to just start happening so I could have hope. Good Job, Good Place to live, I want it to happen soon. I don't expect spotlights or a red carpet but I would like ECU to welcome me back with open arms. I want to come home again like the protocol son. "

Well I have been unproductive

I hearby write this journal after entertaining my friend Ariel with Harry Potter the Order of the Phoneix at my apartment and in which she has not seen before. Memorial Day weekend is coming up and I have decided to pass on a few optional plans and just stick around in G-Ville and find ways to entertain myself. Actually, I am hoping that this might actually force me to finally get started on all the personal projects I wish to get a move on over the summer. But I have mainly spent most of my spare time too mentally tired from work that I play Civilization 3 all the time. One day this week I didn't even eat lunch but spent the break playing Civilization 3 the whole time. I was in the middle of a war with the Iroquois and I was determined to invade further into their territory. I also recently bought the fourth season of the West Wing at East Coast and you know that I have to give that some priority. It was calling out to me on the self. I have no doubt that I will eventually get to all the projects that I have been whining about not having much time to spend on them. In all honesty this is really not one of my big concerns these days. As most of my closes circle of friends are aware, I used to suffer from depresssion. A severe case of this lasted for about three-four years I call the Great Depression Era. Well the later years following wasn't all peaches and cream, I was still picking up some pieces of my life and trying to focus back on the true purpose of my life, especially as a Christian but mainly I was still putting out relapses I suffered here and there so it became mainly damage control and a healing time. This last for about another three years I call the Post-Depression Era. Well the Post-Depression Era officially ended for me around last fall 2007. And now, I am at a lost of myself. I have turned to God and still I search for something new. I am not sad but I am not really happy either. I know, who really is ever happy right? So I'll clarify, I am not really joyful at the moment. I am not unhappy. And there are many times I do feel joy but I used to always feel joyful despite a lot of terrible time in my past. Even in depression, I still felt a lot of joy. It seems contradictory doesn't it. I don't believe that I am without joy. I believe I am simply without my joyful task. A purpose to channel my joy through. Depression may have been hard and Lord know I don't want to go back to it but at least I knew my task. To "Get out of Depression" during the Great Depression Era, and it was a joyful task. During Post-Depression Era, it was "Staying Out of Depression." Now I am far from returning to that clinical depressed state. I am searching for something new. So I fill my time with the usual easy ambitions. Work, education, fellowship, family, friends, etc. I know I am close though. I will not be going into the fall with nothing to do. I believe all will be revealed in due course. In the meantime, I do love my life and I thank God for it. It hasn't been easy but it has been FUN!!!

I LOVE THIS COMMERCIAL. Probably because I work in an office and I care a lot about food and eating. What I am going to miss most about living on earth is at least two things. Eating and I must admit, doing number two in the bathroom.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hk1NGFfHU4w

"Mrs Landingham What Next?"

I hearby write this journal early morning before I head off to church at Koinonia with my good friend Jerry from the office. This has been a very quiet and relaxing weekend for me. It has been a while since I did not have to work on a last minute project for class and I did well in the class but I am going to have to tighten up and do better if I expect to become a competitive candidate for a Ph.d which I am seriously considering pursuing. But one step a time. Right now, let's get through the Masters first. Most of the college friends I have made this academic year have headed back home for the summer, especially those from the Baptist Campus Ministry. It is emotionally difficult to see people graduate and move away and go home for their summers when you have enjoyed their company and see G-Ville and ECU become a little dead before summer school starts back up but it isn't the same as the regular academic terms. I am a people person. Even though I can get a bit moody and need to be left alone from time to time, don't take it personally. However, I have come quite used friends leaving because working on a college campus, you are always going to meet new people. Although the older I get, the more disconnected I feel from college students even though technically I am still one. I don't have a heart for teaching public school but I do have a passion for teaching and connecting with college students. I discovered that this past year that my role on campus has changed over the past few years since I graduated with my Bachelors. I am serving more and more of a role as a mentor, teacher, and counselor. This is not something that I am trying to establish, it is just something that seems to be coming out more naturally during this transition I have made into young adulthood. This summer I turn 27 and will only be three years away from turning thirty and that seems wild to me. Yet I have made close friendships with people who are just graduating and around the age of 21 and observing them just beginning their transition. I used to be the youngest as well as the smallest person if about every event, situation, class, etc I have been a part of most of my life. And now, I am the oldest around most of my friends and it is a weird feeling to be a veteran. Still making friends with freshmen. For a long time I avoided it but I have met a lot of great people and I found myself to be an asset of information to them because I have been through college and from my job on campus. And it feels good to be a resource now rather than being the person always in need in which growing up under my circumstances constantly placed me to be in a position to need others. It feels great to be useful for a change. This summer will be the summer I finally get my first car and if you have kept up with me over the years, you know how much of a struggle that has been for me. "The Angels in Heaven Will Be Rejoicing" when that day finally comes and although I picked the perfect time with gas prices skyrocketing, I know that it will change my life for the better. I titled this blog with a quote from one of my favorite shows, "the West Wing." When the President finishes a big project he always say the quote to his secretary. And I am asking the same question for my life. "What Next?"

Looking forward to the Summer

I hearby write this journal after jogging with my friend Jared from the BCM and after I took my last test and turned in my last paper for my class in African American Literature. I must say it was a great class and I really learned a great deal but it was also a lot of reading and I must admit that I did not manage to get through all my readings this semester. I don't understand how I procrastinate so badly. I mean I am getting better but as I get better the work load becomes greater so I never catch up. Of course, I do well anyway but the stress and suffering, and nightmares. Have you ever gotten a nightmare that you were in a classroom and everyone is turning in work for a final and you have no idea what the class is and don't have any of the final work to turn and you know you are about to get a BIG FAT F!!! And all you can think about is, "HOW IN THE WORLD HAVE I MISSED THIS CLASS ALL SEMESTER!!!" Now that is worse than any of my reocurring nightmars of stumbling over rotting dead aminals and falling on top of coffins in graves. I have had those type of nightmares since I was a kid. Probably due to my unstable family environment and my dad shot and killed in my front yard and no boby told me they loved me when I was six, I believe Dr. Phil would describe it. But nevertheless whatever the childhood tramas, I have gotten quite used to my nightmares that I sleep just as soundly with them now as with any dream. I am looking forward to focusing on a lot a recreational reading this summer. I have got quite a few books lined up and I really want to focused on a lot of spiritual issues of growth this summer. It is time a really take charge of my true potential of what God has for me. Work is still a bit overwelming in the season but we will push through. Humbling Forward in a New Era of Faith in 2008!!!!

I WANT TO BE RICH!!!

Yesterday, I stopped by my bank to transfer funds from my savings to my checking in order to return my travel advance I receiveD for my job when I do a lot of travel in Fall and Spring. While I was there, I decided that I could afford to open up at least one CD and have it sit there for eight months because it was going to sit there anyway as part of my emergency savings while I still will continue my search for my first vehicle. The lady was very helpful, I decided to gain a bit more information about opening up a IRA eventually. Now I have been reading a lot of financial books lately, so I am pretty familiar with the advantages to IRAs and Mutual Funds especially for saving for your retirement. The days of depending on your jobs to do it for you is going to the age of the dinosaurs. It is time Christians that we take a more AGGRESSIVE approach with our finances. Now I am trying to figure out what preacher or what Christian friend you have been listening to that says that the pursuit of money is the root of all evil. It that were true then we are all evil anyway with the little money we are pursuing. I never met anyone who turned down a raise and if you did, you would think they were crazy. Who told you that you should feel guilty of the desire and overflow that God has waiting to give you. Now of course, I am no fool. You cannot put money before God or before people. You cannot love money for the sake of greed or status, otherwise it is no better in your hands than a sinners. BUT I AM TIRED, of seeing the wealth of this world in the hands of the wicked who are using their financial power to influence economical, political, and socialogical changes in our society which makes it that much harder for Christians to make an impact for God's glory in the world and in their homes. I need to see some more wealthy Christians out there, and since most Christians I meet tend to ignore Wall Street, I guess I will volunteer to be in the wealthy number. Now if you truly, don't lie to yourself now. If you truly do not care about being wealthy, if you are satisfied with a simple income and storing up just enough to live comfortably for yourself and your family, then by all means that is just fine. God will still take care of you. But I am talking to those Christians out there who secretly desire to really want to go all out in life and see what you can accomplish financially while still maintaining your Godly principles, integrity, and objectives. I want to become a GREAT WRITER and I want great wealth to see what can I really accomplish out here in the world. And I am not just saying this. I really mean it because I understand it is meaningless, and I can't take it with me. I pay my tithes and offering, I try to stretch myself to give more, and do for others. I used to be really stingy so I know that if I am not giving now, I won't give when I do have more. Now don't confuse me, I have no attention on giving it all away and not to just anybody so don't bother calling me up for a loan or you might get your feelings hurt. I'll share your financial pain, I'll cry with you, I'll pray for you but I going to eventually say LOAN DENIED if it is not in my heart to give. I can't be manipulated and my family will definitely testify to that and you can call me a hypocrite all you want, I won't lose any sleep over it. I want to grow and be wise with my wealth and quite frankly, I already feel rich with the blessings God has instilled in my life. Now I can be satified with the modest lifestyle. But I won't lie to God, I pray for a lot of things but I do tell him that "I won't MONEY, lots and lots of MONEY, I want the pie in the skyyyyyyyyyyy. I WANT TO BE RICH!!!!"

What is my new mission?

I hearby write this journal late at night after catching up with my old friend Bonita from college over the phone. Today I ate at Zaxby's with some Baptist Campus Ministry chums, had white Marcus over to watch some Star Trek, and attended another great communion ceremony at Discovery Channel Church. A very blessed Sunday in G-Ville. It has been almost five years since God told me to return back to Greenville after I graduated ECU for my undergrad. Going from couch to couch from homes of my siblings like some loser. And I was pathetic. I came back to G-Ville with no real job plans, barely any money to buy myself an ice cream come, no car or even a dag on driver's license, and as well as a severe case of Depression that is a result of the tramas from your childhood that finally caught up with me my junior year of undergrad. My last mission: to return back to G-Ville and resolve the issues of Depression and insecurities that caused me to not enjoy my college years as much as I would have liked. Needless to say that God has definitely helped me to make up for the emotional struggles I suffered in Depression and much more in overflow. I have been extremely blessed here. I was determined to follow the plan of God's life he set out for me. It didn't make sense to me at the time, but by God at least I had passion for it. Although I did not follow it perfectly, I basically remained on course with a few detours here and there from my own stupidity. But by God, it certainly was a lot of fun. My mission has been successful and it has reached its overall completion. So what is next? What is my new mission? I know I do have a few loose ends to tie up that branched out from my mission back to G-Ville. But now I feel so loss. The passion is gone because the main objective has been acheived. I feel like I no longer have a purpose now. I am looking for the next step and the next challenge. My life is great but I have no real direction right now. Maybe all of you can be satified with good jobs, money, and worldly acheivements. It is easy to get caught up in that. But deep down I feel misearble without purpose. I do believe this summer, I will be doing some more soul searching and dig deep inside myself. We stay the course until it has been revealed on how we should change it. Humbling Forward in a New Era of Faith in 2008! Bowen Out!